Who would have thought that pregnancy is a time full of little pains and itches and pinches? Certainly not me. Leg cramps, water retention, nausea, vomiting, mood swings, trapped nerves and back ache, to name just a few.
This may come as no surprise to the well prepared mum-in-waiting. My humble self was mildly terrified when discovering what the true joys of the next nine months to come would have in store. Nine months. This is where my worries actually started. Since when equals 40 weeks divided by four weeks nine months? And since when is being two weeks overdue considered just about being fashionable late? Still in my tummy, our little baby girl was setting new standards.
Of course, there are the joys as well. The first scan, hearing her heartbeat for the first time, the first little kicks and punches, the bigger ones that let your tummy tremble for half a minute… in brief, I got over it.
To become well-prepared parents and take away some of the fears of the unknown regarding THE BIRTH, I booked us in for an antenatal class with the NCT. In the afternoon, our teacher Louise separated the couples and sent the guys to another room to play with the ‘uterus bag’ – a shopping bag filled with a hefty baby and a fake placenta that demonstrate the weight you are carrying around. I thought, ‘now it’s gonna get cosy, we are talking about boys and what to wear in hospital’. Little did I know.
When she started to talk about pelvis floor exercises, I was slightly disappointed. I thought, the worst thing to happen if you don’t do them, is weeing yourself when you sneeze, laugh or cough. Or when you skip a rope. I agree, not the nicest of all ideas, but nothing that couldn’t be fixed. Well, have I been wrong! Apparently, the worst thing that could happen is a condition called ‘prolapse’. Fellow mum-to-be Sophie kindly translated it into plainer language: ‘your fanny falls out’. I was left in shock horror.
Prolapse literally means ‘to fall out of place’. According to the NHS an estimated 30% of all women who have children will experience some sort of prolapse in later life. Guess who just signed up for a Pilates class.
The good news is, now you have the best excuse ever to hire a cleaner, as vacuum cleaning in later pregnancy is particularly bad for you. Especially if you are feeling any pressure on your pelvis. Cold comfort, I know.
Did you know that even producer Marc Ronson dedicated a song to this agonising topic? What a considerate young fella…