11 Comments

  1. I am so sorry that you had such a horrible midwife and were bullied into things you didn’t want. It’s like a vicious chain of events, these interventions.

    Please consider talking to other women who have had birth trauma and c-sections. ICAN is a great place to start, or in the UK the Birth Trauma Association. If you need help with the complaint against the midwife, let me know and I’ll put you in touch with my contact at AIMS (Association for Improvement in Maternity Services).

    Again, I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. Despite the trauma, I’m glad you’ve got your little girl there with you, safe and sound, to help you heal.

  2. Wow, Met-Mum, what an epic birth story! Well done for writing it all down – I’m sure that’s the first step in healing the emotional trauma.

    I think you should definitely complain about the horrible midwife. Sure they have a medical duty to care for you as they have been taught but a woman in labour should always be treated with the utmost care and respect. Even if she didn’t agree with you 100%, there’s no way she should have got into an argument with you. It’s the last thing you needed.

    I have to say, it’s scarily reminiscent of my own traumatic birth (although my midwives were very supportive of my stubborn wishes). I won’t bang on about it though on your page but suffice it to say, that I totally know where you’re coming from. I found it very difficult to accept that I wasn’t going to have the home water birth I’d planned and was not only going to give birth in hospital but was going to be rushed into surgery to have an emergency C-section. It WAS all worth it when I saw my darling baby but it honestly took me months to digest what had happened.

    I feel for you. But keep clinging to the fact that your little L is wonderfully healthy, whole and beautiful. That is the most important thing – although obviously it would be ideal if us mothers could enjoy the process too!

  3. Met Mum, I am so sorry and angry on your behalf to read this.

    It’s quite right that you complain, this should never happen it is a series of fiascos and that midwife should learn from this if any good is to come out of it.

    Re. the bath after your waters have broken, I’m sure that’s not a good idea either because it can cause infection.

    Thank goodness you and your baby are both well.

    Wishing you all a restfull (who am I kidding?!) recovery. x

  4. Gosh, that does sound epic. But, as I said before, just look upon it as one day.
    Did you know that babies can actually be born in their waters, mine nearly was (until I asked for the waters to be broken to hurry things up). Its considered good luck. Cant imagine why she really wanted to break them if things were progressing at a rate that you were happy with.
    I reckon that you would get your best resposne from the hospital if you write to your local MP, the hospital has to deal with any enquiry they make so it gives you that added bit of clout.
    Good luck and think how lovely baby L is!

  5. Thank you, ladies! I will be licking my wounds for another few days, and then I will tackle the bitter sweet revenge. I am almost looking forward to hand in my complaint and imagine her gobsmacked face – she was so full of herself that I do not think she expects any consequences. Although I found out I am not the first to be quite unhappy with her service…
    Little L is indeed lovely, and it is true what they say: I would do it all again and again and again to have her.

  6. MM, this is really unacceptable behaviour, good luck with your complaint! I think it’s important you lodge it.

    It may be that you’ll be licking your wounds for a bit longer – not making assumptions but speaking from my own experience: I had a very good midwife who was supportive of my wishes. Yet I too had to agree to a c-section (which just about didn’t happen) and it took me over a year to accept the course of events. I hope it won’t take you that long, because while it is important that we feel positive about our birthing experience and it nags so much if we don’t, the nagging feeling will past, because in the end it’s all about the wonderful person that we’ve brought into the world.

  7. I’m sorry.

    Find ways to tell the story, because I know the hurt and feeling of violation can linger for a long time, and you need to heal. Telling the story seems to help. Good for you for writing it here.

  8. Hi MM. Good to see you back. I’ve been away for the weekend so haven’t had a chance to comment until now. Poor you. I’m so sorry that you had a horrible experience. I have to say, I think it is very rare (unfortunately) for a Mother to have a great birth. It’s either way more painful than they had imagined, or with too much intervention, or just not what they had wanted/ envisaged, etc. I think, and I know you are doing this already – that you have to focus on the positive – the fact that you have a beautiful, healthy baby and that the two of you have come through it. Obviously, the negatives will always be there….but at least when you have another one (!!) you’ll be even more informed than you already were x

  9. Hi MM, I am really sorry to hear you were so badly treated by this witch of a midwife. It really is unacceptable that she did not listen to you or respect you – her priorities were all wrong from my point of view. It also makes me realise just how lucky my wife Rachel and I were to be able to have, not only a straightforward birth, but one with none of this intrusive intervention. You are right to lodge a complaint – not for the sake of revenge as it will not undo the hurt – but to prevent it happening to other mothers. I hope and pray that the emotional healing is coming on well as baby L brings you joy and you begin to understand and maybe eventually forgive the midwife’s mistakes.

  10. The induction comment in your sidebar caught by eye. I was induced at 42 weeks in the post dates clinic at UCLH hospital with Ava.

    I had hoped to have a water birth in the birth centre, but it just didn’t work out that way. I remember commenting to my husband that each time we visisted the birth centre for the tour and for antenatal classes there always seemed to be plenty of empty rooms in the birth centre but the labour ward was always packed and I wondered why so many women would “choose” the labour ward. ha!

    I had two sweeps at the post dates clinic to no avail and two applications of prostagladin gel on the day of my induction spaced 6 hours apart which made me go from 0-10cm dilated so quickly that no one noticed until it was time to push.

    Ava’s heart rate also dropped during this point and I was told that she needed to come out quickly or I would need a c-section. I pushed as hard as I could and thankfully she came out pretty quickly but I managed to give myself a lovely case of hemorrhoids in the process, which fortunately cleared up pretty quickly.

    Oh the joys of childbirth! People say you forget it all after the birth but I don’t think that’s true for me.

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