Don't mess with me!
In my attempt to go over 42 weeks (despite UCLH hospital protocols and the likes), we went to have a check and the 3rd sweep at the post dates clinic on Monday, 6th. This is when they found out that the amniotic fluid had diminished. The consultant admitted that one of the sweeps could have caused a little whole and a leakage. Well, thanks for that! After a whole day of sitting around and waiting for scan appointments etc., I had to stay and finally agreed to be induced. The cost of a natural water birth seemed to be too high when paid for with a health threat for our unborn daughter.
Big M went to get my bag from home while Jemima, our doula, arrived at the hospital. Unfortunately, being 42 weeks + and because of the planned induction, I had to go to the labour ward, instead of going to the birth centre. I remember looking around the delivery suit, fighting against tears of fear and frustration. This suit contained everything I didn’t want for little L’s birth: belt monitors, the hospital bed with stirrups, cupboards and drawers full of medical instruments.
They monitored me and to me delight saw that I had contractions, 3-4 in ten minutes. But I didn’t feel anything. The midwife – to my surprise male and super gentle – suggested to give me some time and see what happens. Unfortunately, his shift ended shortly after that. A new midwife came in, and this is where my nightmare started. Despite the agreement we had made earlier on, she insisted on examining me (again…!) and said she would break my waters now. She already had everything ready, i.e. the hook placed next to her. I am still surprised by how surprised she looked when I said ‘No!’.
We started a pointless discussion, the three of us against her. And all our questions were answered with ‘because it is hospital protocol’ or ‘because you are here to be delivered, so we deliver you’. In the end, she couldn’t argue against us and sent the consultant in. Surprisingly, the consultant did not have any problem giving me more time as long as there was any progress made and was very understanding. We agreed on two more hours to see what happens.
The three of us went for a walk outside and came back to have a nap. I was hugging big M on the hospital bed, just wanting to go home. And that is when my waters broke, all by themselves, on the day I was supposed to be induced. I was so relieved. My contractions got very recognisable and much stronger.
The witch of a midwife came in and examined me (again!! and although we had agreed on another 6 hours for me to progress without intervention) and again placed all her instruments on a tray next to me to be ready to do whatever she thought was right. She said there were still membranes and that not all waters would have gone. Which was basically complete nonsense, as another midwife and the consultant confirmed later on. By that time I had totally lost trust in her and simply didn’t believe her any more.
Although I had made further progress (cervix went from posterior to anterior), she said she had to rupture those membranes. We were again starting a discussion, us stating that we agreed with her and the consultant on another 6 hours without intervention and her, that I would be in hospital for induction and to be delivered and that the protocol states… blah blah. At all that time, she had her fingers in me and my cervix in a tight grip. I got really upset and only got rid of her when I jumped back.
I never felt as abused, humiliated or vulnerable as I felt in that very moment. What a witch. She just ignored everything that was agreed on and wanted to do what she thought was best, totally ignoring my individual needs or wishes.
When the contractions got very intense and I could hardly catch my breath in between, Jemima wanted to organise for me to have a bath. She looked for the midwife (who wasn’t too impressed) and only managed to get me in the bath because she was very persistent.
In the bath, the pain was more bearable, I was far from slowing down, but also I had in the back of my head ‘have to make progress, have to make progress’. The witch continued to interrupt us, wanting me to get out to examine me again, but meanwhile all the three of us shouted NOOO! as soon as she peeked into the room. Jemima offered to ask for the midwife to be replaced, but in the state I was in, I just wasn’t up for any confrontation or hard feelings.
After 6 hours of very intense contractions, I decided to be examined, but asked for a 2nd opinion. There was no way I would let her touch me again. Another midwife came in and I was devastated when she told me, I still was only 2 cm. All of a sudden, I couldn’t handle the pain anymore and asked for an epidural. The thought of going on like that without progress, no way… I was hoping to get some sleep and be able to relax, i.e. dilate further. And also, the witch had only 2 hours left on her shift, so I would have got rid of her by the time next steps would have been needed to discuss.
When the epidural kicked in, I felt the tension coming off me. And as I just wanted to surrender to a good, proper cry, the consultant came in and said, she was sorry, but the baby’s heart rate dropped with every contraction, and she would strongly recommend a c-section. We agreed without hesitation. Apparently we still had a little time and they topped up the epidural to prepare me for the section.
As we arrived in the theatre the senior consultant came in and said the baby’s heart rate did not seem to come up again after contractions. So they put me to sleep with a GA. Nobody was allowed in the theatre, because they said it would be too traumatising for Big M. They basically kicked him out without any pleasantries.
Little L was born at 07:57AM on Tuesday, 07 April 2009. 57 cm and 7.5 lbs. Although 42 weeks plus 1, she was far form being overcooked. No curled nails, no meconium. She even had a little bit of lanugo and vernix left. She cried her first cry without any help and did not need any suction. Apparently, I am a slow cooker and she needed all that time in my womb.
As soon as I stop feeling so terribly emotional about the event, I am going to hand in a formal complaint about that midwife. If I wouldn’t have had Big M and Jemima with me, and if I wouldn’t have had all that information about child birth, I would have been intimidated by her authority and most likely agreed on things I would have regretted later on.
Looking at little L makes it all worth it. But still, I believe that I – and every other woman to give birth – have more rights than holding a healthy baby in my arms. After I cared for and nurtured this little creature inside my womb for more than 9 months, a healthy baby is mainly MY achievement. I expected more than getting her out safely from my birth experience.
I want to be treated with respect and dignity. As an individual with rights and a brain, not like a piece of unresponsive meat that can be poked into without consequences.
The shock, the frustration and the feeling of violation slowly give way to anger and enragement. This woman definitely messed with the wrong one.
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London mum, writer and amateur illustrator. Hopes to navigate through motherhood without losing herself.
I am so sorry that you had such a horrible midwife and were bullied into things you didn’t want. It’s like a vicious chain of events, these interventions.
Please consider talking to other women who have had birth trauma and c-sections. ICAN is a great place to start, or in the UK the Birth Trauma Association. If you need help with the complaint against the midwife, let me know and I’ll put you in touch with my contact at AIMS (Association for Improvement in Maternity Services).
Again, I’m so sorry you had to go through all that. Despite the trauma, I’m glad you’ve got your little girl there with you, safe and sound, to help you heal.
Wow, Met-Mum, what an epic birth story! Well done for writing it all down – I’m sure that’s the first step in healing the emotional trauma.
I think you should definitely complain about the horrible midwife. Sure they have a medical duty to care for you as they have been taught but a woman in labour should always be treated with the utmost care and respect. Even if she didn’t agree with you 100%, there’s no way she should have got into an argument with you. It’s the last thing you needed.
I have to say, it’s scarily reminiscent of my own traumatic birth (although my midwives were very supportive of my stubborn wishes). I won’t bang on about it though on your page but suffice it to say, that I totally know where you’re coming from. I found it very difficult to accept that I wasn’t going to have the home water birth I’d planned and was not only going to give birth in hospital but was going to be rushed into surgery to have an emergency C-section. It WAS all worth it when I saw my darling baby but it honestly took me months to digest what had happened.
I feel for you. But keep clinging to the fact that your little L is wonderfully healthy, whole and beautiful. That is the most important thing – although obviously it would be ideal if us mothers could enjoy the process too!
Met Mum, I am so sorry and angry on your behalf to read this.
It’s quite right that you complain, this should never happen it is a series of fiascos and that midwife should learn from this if any good is to come out of it.
Re. the bath after your waters have broken, I’m sure that’s not a good idea either because it can cause infection.
Thank goodness you and your baby are both well.
Wishing you all a restfull (who am I kidding?!) recovery. x
Gosh, that does sound epic. But, as I said before, just look upon it as one day.
Did you know that babies can actually be born in their waters, mine nearly was (until I asked for the waters to be broken to hurry things up). Its considered good luck. Cant imagine why she really wanted to break them if things were progressing at a rate that you were happy with.
I reckon that you would get your best resposne from the hospital if you write to your local MP, the hospital has to deal with any enquiry they make so it gives you that added bit of clout.
Good luck and think how lovely baby L is!
Thank you, ladies! I will be licking my wounds for another few days, and then I will tackle the bitter sweet revenge. I am almost looking forward to hand in my complaint and imagine her gobsmacked face – she was so full of herself that I do not think she expects any consequences. Although I found out I am not the first to be quite unhappy with her service…
Little L is indeed lovely, and it is true what they say: I would do it all again and again and again to have her.
MM, this is really unacceptable behaviour, good luck with your complaint! I think it’s important you lodge it.
It may be that you’ll be licking your wounds for a bit longer – not making assumptions but speaking from my own experience: I had a very good midwife who was supportive of my wishes. Yet I too had to agree to a c-section (which just about didn’t happen) and it took me over a year to accept the course of events. I hope it won’t take you that long, because while it is important that we feel positive about our birthing experience and it nags so much if we don’t, the nagging feeling will past, because in the end it’s all about the wonderful person that we’ve brought into the world.
I’m sorry.
Find ways to tell the story, because I know the hurt and feeling of violation can linger for a long time, and you need to heal. Telling the story seems to help. Good for you for writing it here.
Hi MM. Good to see you back. I’ve been away for the weekend so haven’t had a chance to comment until now. Poor you. I’m so sorry that you had a horrible experience. I have to say, I think it is very rare (unfortunately) for a Mother to have a great birth. It’s either way more painful than they had imagined, or with too much intervention, or just not what they had wanted/ envisaged, etc. I think, and I know you are doing this already – that you have to focus on the positive – the fact that you have a beautiful, healthy baby and that the two of you have come through it. Obviously, the negatives will always be there….but at least when you have another one (!!) you’ll be even more informed than you already were x
Hi MM, I am really sorry to hear you were so badly treated by this witch of a midwife. It really is unacceptable that she did not listen to you or respect you – her priorities were all wrong from my point of view. It also makes me realise just how lucky my wife Rachel and I were to be able to have, not only a straightforward birth, but one with none of this intrusive intervention. You are right to lodge a complaint – not for the sake of revenge as it will not undo the hurt – but to prevent it happening to other mothers. I hope and pray that the emotional healing is coming on well as baby L brings you joy and you begin to understand and maybe eventually forgive the midwife’s mistakes.
So what happened when you complained?
The induction comment in your sidebar caught by eye. I was induced at 42 weeks in the post dates clinic at UCLH hospital with Ava.
I had hoped to have a water birth in the birth centre, but it just didn’t work out that way. I remember commenting to my husband that each time we visisted the birth centre for the tour and for antenatal classes there always seemed to be plenty of empty rooms in the birth centre but the labour ward was always packed and I wondered why so many women would “choose” the labour ward. ha!
I had two sweeps at the post dates clinic to no avail and two applications of prostagladin gel on the day of my induction spaced 6 hours apart which made me go from 0-10cm dilated so quickly that no one noticed until it was time to push.
Ava’s heart rate also dropped during this point and I was told that she needed to come out quickly or I would need a c-section. I pushed as hard as I could and thankfully she came out pretty quickly but I managed to give myself a lovely case of hemorrhoids in the process, which fortunately cleared up pretty quickly.
Oh the joys of childbirth! People say you forget it all after the birth but I don’t think that’s true for me.