Blogging, Illustrations

My mojo lies over the ocean, my mojo lies over the sea

mojoIn the past 6 months, I had about 20 hours completely to myself. 20 hours without responsibility for little L. 20 hours to switch off and think about what I wanted to do with my life. It might not sound much, but I managed to build castles in the air during those 20 hours. Once little L would be a little older, I would organise some kind of childcare, get my pencils out and start drawing again. I would finally look into graphic design software and would start using the computer drawing pad Big M got me for my birthday in July. Or would I just get stuck and stare out of the window like a paralysed rabbit?

With little L being almost completely weaned and well beyond the newborn stage, I thought this was the right time to hire a babysitter. But instead of embracing my newly gained freedom and enthusiastically plunging into a new chapter, I feel deflated like a balloon after a child’s birthday party on a hot summer day. Like the leaves that used to be on the tree just outside my window, my drive has fallen off. I have absolutely no energy left.

Even blow-drying my hair seems to be too big of a task. I want to cut my hair off to have a bob. If only Big M wouldn’t disapprove. ‘You can’t have a bob. Bob is a guy who lives in America.’ Maybe that’s where my mojo has gone?

20 Comments

  1. Oh honey it does get better I promise. Kai was about 10 months before I really started feeling like ‘me’ again and had the energy and motivation to start building back things into my life that were separate from my identity as a mum.

    Take some time for yourself. Just sit if that’s what you feel like doing. Rest, get outside and be patient with yourself.

    It will come xxxx

  2. It absolutely will come back. It took me about a year to feel like ‘me’ again (but I take ages to do everything anyway) and then you end up looking back and thinking ‘why on earth did I ever feel like that?’

  3. I can remember hitting a low when my first son was 6 months, I’m sure there is something hormonal going on inside. maybe it’s because we feel we’ve lost some of our identity….the excitement of a new baby is over and we remember that life carries on but that we’re different now. I’m sure it will pass. Take care.

  4. Your mojo is probably taking a small holiday. After having to work non-stop for six months. It’ll come back, you’ll see. It’s like when you have exams or a deadline or something really important and you power through and then the second it’s over, you fall ill. The adrenaline wears off, your body hibernates for a bit.

    It’s a sucky sucky feeling. I hope you find your mojo soon. Keep the babysitter!

  5. I’m not much use on this one, I am told that it will come back. It did for me for a brief period when Toddler Boy was about 10 months. I felt so good I got pregnant again. You have been warned!
    A babysitter is a good thing, I wish I had had a bit more time to myself, it helps a lot.
    Yes Fifi has really grown up xxx

  6. Well this is weird. I’m sure I left a comment here! Obviously not…

    Anyway. I was EXACTLY the same, in fact it took till Kai was about 10 months for me to start feeling like ‘me’ again and be able to summon up any kind of energy to do anything apart from just surviving.

    It will get better, I promise. Give yourself time to rest, just sit if that’s all you feel like. Get outside lots and treat yourself to lots of naughty chocolately things and time for yourself to just be. Your mojo will be back before you know it – just give it time.
    xxx

  7. @Josie: 10 months. That means another four months staring out of the window. I can live with that. By the way, four X send you straight into my spam file 🙂

    @Tara: I am honestly waiting for this moment. I imagine a lightbulb going off above my head.

    @Chic Mama: That’s exactly how I feel. I trust you. You have been there before. Five times! (Still in awe…)

    @Mwa: The babysitter will go nowhere, so I hope. I spent hours meeting people I met through gumtree, and she is absolutely lovely.

    @Zooarchaeologist: Thanks for the warning. Please keep reminding me, just in case I should have a really bad idea one day…

  8. You’ll get it back, don’t worry. It’s tough to get used to having time to yourself again. I hired a baby sitter earlier this year (she comes once a week for three hours) and honestly it’s the best thing I have done for myself. Although by the time I hred her my first son was about 22 months and my second about 3 months so I was more than ready to just get out and do anything other than be at home. x

  9. As the others have said, your mojo will come back – it just takes a while. You’ll have a moment soon though when you realise you have done a really nice home blow dry and you feel inspired enough to paint your toenails and apply handcream and it’s a lovely, lovely feeling! Hang on in there – it may be temporarily M.I.A – but it will come home! x

  10. @Lady Mama: It was actually your mascara post that triggered me to think about whatever happened to my love for illustrations.

    @Hot Cross Mum: I had to google M.I.A. Bloody foreigner that I am… 🙂

  11. It really does get better. When my daughter was 2 she started attending a private nursery two afternoons a week. I was suppose to finally get a break and start using the time constructively. Instead I went home and I slept, and I carried on sleeping until finally I got my mojo back, which you will too.

  12. Are you not sharing your knowledge of what MIA means? Another bloody foreigner here…
    Just to reiterate. It does get better, so much better, so very much better. Patience. I didn’t have time to get a haircut, dye my hair (and dyeing it needs), even showering regularly (yuck), but I’m all normal now and have taken up hobbies again. And just wait until you can illustrate Little L’s very own drawings…

  13. It’s so weird when you start getting some time to yourself isn’t it! Mr Baking Mad lost his job when the Bear was four months, so we started sharing the childcare between us so the other one could relax or get their hair cut or whatever. Instead of revelling in this new found freedom I found myself moping around unable to achieve anything! Here’s hoping you find your mojo soon x

  14. It is a question of time like everyone says. Don’t be too harsh on yourself and start with small things, one at a time. Soon you will realise that you are back!
    Remember one step at a time…
    Pxx

  15. Bob is a guy who lives in America! Genius!

    I have to say on me a bob is a no- with the curls and all everything rises.

    I don’t have a little person but I should think it takes time to stop being a nurturer and start thinking about yourself again- it probably feels natural to always think of her first- which of course you still do but you have more time now.

    Good luck xx

  16. Oh MM… your mojo will come back I promise. Being a parent is one long adjustment I find and every now and then, another stage comes along that you need to get into fine tune with. And don’t cut your hair off… I so regretted that…. twice and had to grow it back… twice! x

  17. I totally empathise. I remember the first time my mum had Smallboy over night when he was a baby. I was so excited and there was all this build up about ‘me time’. Then when I saw her pushing his pram down the road, I couldn’t stop crying and I then rushed frantically from room to room, tidying up nappies, organising bottles and feeling this huge gap. My mojo disappeared for ages. I’m a writer and I don’t think I barely wrote more than a shopping for 6 months. Then I got this unbelievable surge of creativity and wrote a novel in 6 months. Actually, I think motherhood gives you more mojo in the long run. As for the hair, I wouldn’t do anything drastic while feeling fragile if I were you 🙂 x

  18. Oh I know just how you feel. If I do get any time to myself, I run around not knowing quite what to do…so many possibilities, so little time…and I usually end up wasting it. Maybe your mojo is off drinking mojitoes with mine somewhere…

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