Have you ever wondered how often the girls working at the airports’ security scanners really need to check the contents of your bag? And how often they are just curious to know what’s inside? If I were one of them, I’d know how to shamelessly exploit my position of power.
Emily O over at Babyrambles challenged me to empty my bag and put my life out in front of you. So here it goes:
Let’s start with the bag. It’s a Babymel changing bag that has seen better days. No point in dragging my Miu Miu through the sand, so I shall be excused for this serious lack of style. This bag has been my constant companion for the last 10 months; it has been peed onto, puked into and will be replaced with a new one on little L’s first birthday.
In the baby corner: little L’s bathing suit, nappies, sun cream, mosquito repellent, baby wipes, Brio mobile phone, little people person #10 who’s been named “Gini”, pink hat, spoon, Ella’s pouch with lentil bake and a soft aeroplane, sponsored by Swiss.
Three of the things listed above deserve a little more attention:
a) Even when wearing the pink hat, little L is being addressed as “young man”. She’s a girl, for chrissake!
b) She lifts the little aeroplane into the air above her head and goes ‘woooom. wooom.’ She’s only 10 months old. That kid’s a genius!
c) Big M filled in the customs form and ticked all the No boxes when questioned about bringing in food. He didn’t know that mummy filled 2/3 of little L’s suitcase with baby food. Lalalalala.
Now over to the stuff that I refer to as mine, despite being constantly chewed on by the smallest member of the family:
- Isla bikini top. Because it’s always good to have a spare bikini top in your bag. Or because you took it off and forgot to put it back on. Uh-oh.
- Yves Saint Laurent coin purse. Which hasn’t been used since my marriage to Big M, carrier of the coins.
- Sagrotan sanitising wipes. To satisfy my cleanfreak mentality. Toilet seats, baby changing areas, shopping cart handles…
- InStyle magazine that promises both to tell you how to “Look better naked” and to “Love your shape”. I haven’t read it yet, but I’ll happily share my findings later.
- “Me talk pretty one day” by David Sedaris. The book misses a storyline completely, but the chapters in itself are coherent. And the writing is witty and extremely funny. It’s like a great blog on paper.
- Cartier panther key ring (birthday present of the ever so generous Big M), that holds a complete set of keys to our house in London. How very cunning of me to take it to the beach in Saint Lucia with me every day.
- On the go Andrex toilet tissue. I guess it’s sod’s law that I haven’t encountered missing toilet paper in a public toilet since I started carrying around that thing.
- Avène sun block stick with SPF 40. Supposed to prevent pigmentation. Doesn’t work if you don’t apply it.
I am exploiting my powers showing some love and force invite the following victims these lovely fellows to strip bare naked empty their bags:
What’s in your bags, ladies?