Mummy stuff

Small steps

small shoes1

The cold morning air is streaming through the sunroof as you drive down Highbury Grove. You switch the iPod from The Night Garden to Diana Krall and turn the volume up. There is a parking spot about a mile from your house, but you don’t mind and take a detour to pop in the newsagent. You pick up today’s edition of The Times. And today, you are going to read it. The whole paper. In one go.

At home, you put on the kettle and make yourself a nice, hot cup of tea. You are going to drink it hot, feet up, newspaper in front of you. She’ll be fine. She seemed to have liked it there. There is no point in sitting in the neighbouring room all morning like yesterday. You’ll pick her up in two hours and she’ll be fine!

The house is quiet without her. You try not to take the imprint of her then 10-days-old foot into your hands and gaze at it longingly. The shoes you bought yesterday appear enormous compared to that. Big girls’ shoes.

The lump in your throat is hard to swallow down. Get your act together, woman! It’s only going to be two half days a week. You were craving that freedom, and she was so keen to get together with other children. She’ll be fine!

35 Comments

  1. aaahhh. Beautifully written. It’s the little things you notice when they’re not there isn’t it? It’s all such a conundrum – we crave solitude when they’re with us but long for some time to ourselves when they are!

  2. Very nice text. I can relate to everything. I just changed your cup of tea for a cup of coffee + milk 🙂

  3. I remember the first time, the sitting outside the preschool, the longing to run in and pick him up, to breath in all the scent of him. It does get easier and I love my free time. enjoy

  4. What a great post! You’ll both be fine and you will both enjoy this time to yourselves, as well as the time when you get to see each other afterward. Enjoy your paper, cup of tea and some quiet time. 🙂

  5. Still, it’s hard! I’m looking forward to my son starting pre-school in September – unfortunately I’ll still have the other little monkey so no alone time for me!

    (Beautifully written, by the way)

  6. Oh… yes. That touched my heart. I can still feel it as if it was just this morning, that first time… and September he turns 22.
    But my girls are on a few short years, wait… when did the oldest turn 10?

    Grab it with both hands, while you still can. It’s magic.

    Warm hugs and quiches from Kitty

  7. The first day is the hardest. I remember being in tears at the first real parting, with both boys. But after a couple of weeks, it will be fine, and after a couple of years, they’ll run in without even saying goodbye – Littleboy 1 does that now.

  8. Oh I remember those first days at school for my son – so hard to leave him, and yet longing for just a couple of hours to yourself. Every year he starts a new class (he’s now 7) I get choked up and worried about him. And I know it will be the same with Ruby. Hope you enjoyed your Times and a little ‘me’ time. Bet you couldn’t wait to collect her though!

  9. Big M says

    Wonderful picture. Maybe she needs to be “Big L” from now on…. Maybe not! Miss you both.

  10. Lovely post.
    My baby started the nursery this week, and shes loving it. I have to confess that having some free time for me, its just brillnat. I’m not selfish, its just the true, and I’m sure that play with other kids is the best for her.
    Good Lucky

  11. What are your stairs made of ?

    And where can I buy it ?

    am redoing the house and you just answered my “what am I going to do with all these tatty horrible stairs” question with one piccie.

    Georgous they are, just georgous

  12. Oh god ! stair obsessed heartless cow that I am.

    It is very hard at the start, that small rip as they leave the safety of your arms and go off and have a life somewhere where you are not.

    You know they’ll be fine, you know you will be fine.

    But that first little rip hurts all the same.

    Big Fat Hug

  13. aarrr i know that feeling soooo well from when betty first started nursery, but you soon get over it when you have those lovely free mornings!

    in answer to the question you left on my blog about going from one to two – YES YES YES, DO IT!!! It is wonderful seeing your children becoming friends and laughing with each other and being naughty! xxxx

  14. Ah bless, I know that feeling, been there 4 times now and it doesn’t get easier. I don’t know where the time has gone, it feels like yesterday I had daughter one and she is 21 soon and takes size 8 big girls shoes!

  15. oh what a wonderful post! and a gorgeous photo. i hope you enjoy your free time.

  16. Lovely picture! It will do both of you the world of good. Although, I have to admit its a really strange feeling when you have a bit of solo freedom…

  17. I well remember the first time I left my son at a daycare. I cried all the way to my meeting in town. You will, in time, grow to love these precious moments that are all yours. xx

  18. So touching to read a mother’s perspective on the first separation. That feeling doesn’t go away… even when she’s an adult, you’ll still feel it. Sigh… now I need a cup of tea too!

  19. It is never about her being fine (becausese will be) — it’s always about mum being fine. I struggled with this too. You NEED your own time. Don’t feel guilty. SO what did oyu d?

  20. Oh, I always cried and found it worse than them, too. Good to hear you persisted, though. It is like getting some air sometimes – those few hours.

  21. Lovely post, short and sweet. Yes it is agony at first but you’ll take to it in no time and LOVE your time as a free woman. You’ll have time to buy those * tea towel holders and everything! Fx

  22. Aw MM.. wonderfully written! And I know how you feel – I still remember it from when SC started nursery… and then again for school! She will love it and you will love those precious slots of freedom xx

  23. awwww my heart ached for you reading that. I always feel that way when i look at my 4year old go to school all day (sob) x

  24. of course she will be fine- she will love it and you and she will treasure the time together all the more xx

  25. Sob. I remember it all too well. It does get easier. And eventually you get to actually enjoy drinking that cup of tea and reading that paper.

  26. Hey, I am glad to hear that baby L is well adapted and you are enjoying your time. I will have my hair done this week as well, and then dive in my studies. Take care

  27. Reading this brought it all back!! Sob! I still feel a bit like that leaving my youngest at pre school 3 mornings a week! But it is lovely to have a bit of ‘me’ time back. It’ll be great for both of you. Lovely post xx

  28. Gah, I am so behind on my Google Reader. Really hope Little L has settled in ok. The Bear cried buckets when he started nursery but adores it now and can barely wait to shove us out of the door.

    Hope you enjoy this time to yourself!

  29. Ah, the mixed emotions. But you’ll get used to it quicker than you think!

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