Book, Writing

Undoubtedly doubtful

Little L reading to me ‘lalalooo… oh dear… teddy daddy seesaw!’*

Hey, it’s me. Look further down. I am right down here, in the little hole. Duvet over my head, tin of biscuits in front of me, crap TV switched on.

With the manuscript finished, my main goal has been accomplished. And where I thought I’d be drifting on cloud number nine for a little while, I have found myself feeling deflated.

It’s been a month since I typed the magical words The End under the last paragraph of the novel, and I am finding it astonishingly difficult to throw myself into hunting for an agent. I am more than reluctant to get myself out there, call them up, talk to them, because… as long as I haven’t contacted all of them, there’ll still be hope. As soon as I will be through with my list though, the hope will die. It’s a bit like not speaking to the boy you are having a crush on.

Of course, there is self-publishing. But I don’t want to self-publish. I want to be published the old school way. I want, no, I need the affirmation of what I have worked on for the last eight months is worth publishing.

I am feeling old. And having tonsillitis does not help either. Why is this so hard?

*Isn’t Melissa Bank just brilliant?

22 Comments

  1. Awww. Once you’re feeling better you’ll get your mojo back. I understand what you mean. Everyone fears rejection but there really will be no hope if you don’t give it a try. (Easy for me to say, I know).

  2. Ah Lovely Lady… get that book out there.. I’m sure it will be received extremely well knowing how wonderfully you write. It’s hard though and I do understand – I’d be the same. Wishing you lots of luck and sending love! xxx

  3. Sending you some sympathy and good luck. I wrote a book six years ago. I managed seven rejections from agents before I lost my confidence completely. It’s tough. I’ve now decided it needs rewriting. This isn’t helping you at all is it? You must go for it though and just keep trying x

  4. Wow how amazing you’ve set out to finish a WHOLE novel and you’ve accomplished it – well done, i think you need to go easier on yourself. Have a duvet day or two and then get on it like a car bonnet ;0 I’m sure if you exhaust every avenue good things will eventually happen x

  5. Tonsillitis – yuck. Poor you.

    I know exactly what you mean – the fear of failure, the feeling that if you don’t do anything about it, the hope will still remain but just think – you’ve written it – that’s the hardest part. That’s more than most people do. Sitting on it for a month is a good idea. If you don’t do something with it, you’ll always wonder won’t you? When you’re old and grey, and the manuscript is still sitting in your bottom drawer, you’ll always think – could I have done it? So go for it! I’ll hold your hand – now jump!

  6. Enjoy a little hiatus then get that book out there. Someone will snap it up I’m sure of it! The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

  7. Michele Gorman says

    I know it’s a super-scary thing to do, so take some time, then take a deep breath and give one or two a try. Sending you strong vibes! Mxx

  8. Yes, it’s scary taking that leap…I’ll keep you in my thoughts that you’ll find a wonderful publisher and things will go oh-so-ever smoothly! Sorry to hear you aren’t feeling well – get better soon!

  9. I can’t tell you how many agents and publishers I heard from (and not in a good way) before I landed mine. Mostly my book wasn’t in their niche (being non-fiction) so the rejection was a little easier to take, but you actually do develop a thick skin or is it just a “sod it” attitude that makes you keep trying? Anyway, good luck.

  10. Go for it, once you’re feeling like yourself again. I am sure you will be delighted with the responses you get.

  11. Oh MM, you’re ill, no wonder you’re lost your mojo for a bit. Take care of yourself first and then send that book out – I need to learn from your experiences for when I’m ready to send mine out!!! 😉

  12. I diagnose endofbookitis, very common with future best-selling authors. Email me and I’ll give you the name of my agent, she is fab. In the meantime, enjoy those duvet moments, you deserve them after finishing such an epic task. I always buy myself something nice after finishing a book draft, too! x

  13. i think i understand how you feel – about the still being hope part. but you must do it! or sooner or later there will be regret that you didn’t? haha 🙂

  14. I can only imagine how you feel. Writing a novel is on my to do list. So I thought I’d have a go at entering the Grazia writing competition where they gave you the first paragraph and you had to write the rest of the first chapter. Good God it was hard. By the end of it I hated every one of the characters and had no idea where the story would go from there. Suffice to say I doubt I’ll win, but it was a useful exercise to prove how difficult it is to write. When you feel better, you’ll feel stronger and then perhaps more able to get it sent out. But I COMPLETELY get where you’re coming from

  15. Oops sorry I must be sick too, thought I left a comment. Just to say you are a fresh and witty writer with great take on things and you will be published. But it must feel like you passed one exam and now have to take another!

  16. I haven’t read Melissa’s book yet, but have always wanted too! I need to go pick it up! Sorry you are feeling under the weather both physically and spiritually. I guess you will never know unless you take a chance. Go for it!

  17. First, lots of snogs will help with tonsils, or the lack off.
    One of these days you will wake up and know today is the day. Put on your favourite pair of shoes and go on a publisher hunt. Just remember to put your new book on kindle, for us poor souls abroad.

  18. Sorry I have been such a bad blogger of late! I think it’s totally natural to need a rest after something like this and also to be scared but you will feel the urge to get on to it when the time is right. Can’t wait to see you soon

  19. Also that’s not you reading the book, I recognise those hands!

    I think I’m going to get that one to take to Sweden with me

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