Pregnancy

50 shades of cringe

tesco

Where it all happened...

The other day at my local supermarket, little L in tow. I was scanning the tinned tomatoes aisle (exciting stuff, I know), when a good looking guy peeked around the corner, checking us out. I had seen him earlier upon entering the store. Our eyes had met and he looked as if he’d been stricken by thunder. I must have reminded him on someone, or – a chilling thought crossed my mind – he fancied my 3-year-old. Looking down at my 8-months-bump I quickly dismissed the third option for his weird behaviour. I mean, come on, who really fancies a pregnant lady? Wait; don’t tell me. I’m not sure I really want to know.

Back to the tomatoes. We made our choice and dropped the tins into our basket, ready to move on. When suddenly, a hushed voice asked: “Excuse me, can I ask you something?”

Sure enough it was the handsome weirdo who had crept up on us.

“Of course,” I said, being too polite and way too curious to say no.

“Are you Scandinavian?” he asked nervously.

“Um, no,” I replied. “I’m Austrian.” My mouth twisted into something resembling a smile. What on earth did he want?

“Oh, my wife is German,” he said and nervously punched keys on his phone. “We have been doing this for a while,” he started, eyes fixed on his telephone. “We are very open like that, you know.”

“Uh-hum”, I replied, shifting my weight from one foot to the other. Oh please. Don’t!

“I can see that you are expecting”, he waffled on, ignoring my hysterical snort of laughter, “but, you know, I thought maybe later? We are not into kinky stuff, or anything,” he said reassuringly, “my wife is good looking and we are only looking for couples…”

“Thanks,” I finally managed to press out, backing off slightly and trying very hard not to burst into a fit of giggles. “But we are really not that open.”

“Oh,” he answered disappointedly, looking me in the eyes for the first time during our bizarre little conversation. “Are you sure?”

“Um – yes!” I rolled my eyes and called my daughter, who, thankfully oblivious to the whole situation, had taken to rearranging baked beans containers on the bottom shelves.

Laughing to myself, I took her hand and pulled her along with me until we had reached the cleaning lane.

“Why are you laughing?” came my daughter’s voice from below.

“I’ll tell you when you are bigger,” I promised and squeezed her hand.

Picture credit: Flickr / Loopzilla

25 Comments

  1. WOW. Actual wow! The cheek of the guy. I don’t know whether to laugh or be appalled. Or to wonder why I never get proposition in the veg aisle.
    Are you changing supermarket?!!

  2. I think he’s going to end up getting himself arrested or hit across the head with a bag of frozen peas. How very odd!
    And does that mean that Scandinavians in general are “up for it”?

  3. Eweeee! Bet you didn’t get any of that in the South of France?! Supermarkets are obviously the new place to hang out for great blogging material!!!

  4. Wow-madness! There are lots of men who fancy pregnant women and it’s pretty unsettling-I had a guy follow me pregnant with O and men still flirt despite my huge bump. I’m not saying women pregnant shouldn’t be regarded as beautiful but when it’s not by your partner it’s slightly strange in my opinion.

  5. OMG. I have no words for this man. Some people are so kinky they will let nothing get in their way 😉

    I remember being hit on/flirted with a couple of times when pregnant too but nothing remotely this creepy. BTW, this would make a great short short story! x

  6. Oh My Fucking GOD!!!!! He cannot be serious! I’m lost for words! Who knew tinned tomatoes could be so silacious – what on earth did your hubby make of it?

  7. Wow, you wouldn’t expect that conversation in the supermarket.. especially not in front of your daughter! I’d have been mortified!

  8. Kelleyn says

    That is so sick! At the same time maybe a tiny bit flatering.

  9. LOL! I’ll bet he asked if you’re Scandinavian because he and his wife have been watching all the scandi noir tv shows–and you look very like a prettier version of one of the characters, Saga Noren. Can’t say I blame him… 😉 Be flattered, even if his approach was a bit odd and timing a bit wrong!

  10. OMG you crack me up!!!! Swingers crusing the aisles of Tesco….I think you’ve got the start of a new novel!

    Yes it does happen. When I was eight months preggers a Russian in my husband’s office asked me out on a date even though he knew (I think) I was up the spout and married to his colleague. Some men fancy the bowling ball look or are just mad.

  11. cheryl says

    This happened to me once! When I was about 18 years old in a clothing shop! I was looking around minding my own business when I noticed a couple( good looking I have to say) eye balling me, I didn’t think anything of it until the guy brushed past me and he must have slipped a note inside my tote bag because when I got home and was rummaging in my bag, hed left a message saying that basically him and his wife liked the look of me and did I want to call them, I showed my mum and had a good laugh about it! I was flattered but felt a bit weirded out that hed managed to get a note in my bag without me even noticing! X

  12. It was in the tomato aisle, swingers always converge on the tomato aisle…

    It’s a pretty funny story, I can’t imagine being propositioned like that whilst doing the weekly shop! Next time you’re making spag bol and pause to open the tin, no doubt you’ll have a chuckle…

  13. This has to be one of the funniest things I have read. I’m not going to be able to go near the tinned tomatoes in my local Tesco now without looking at every couple suspiciously and wondering what they are up to haha.

    Sarah @ Goodheart Gifts

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