Mummy stuff

Motherhood 2.0

Seven weeks into life as a mother of two, and I am back on my feet. Wobbly feet, maybe, but still.

Although physically more challenging (yes, I can feel the additional three and a half years very much), on the whole, I find being a new mum the second time around much easier.

Sleep deprivation is worse (Petite Pea doesn’t think much of sleeping in the night), I have another child to look after, and the baby blues (including increased mother’s guilt) has been quite persistent, but still, I am happy in an oddly contradicting way. Maybe because I know that all this is just a phase. A phase my gorgeous little baby girl will grow out of much quicker than I’d prefer.

When Little L was born, I was so eager to be the perfect mother that for a while, I forgot what was important to me. To be honest, having a baby and becoming a mother turned my life completely upside down, and I am not even sure I knew anymore what it was that was important to me. My entire value system shifted. I had a career break and knew I didn’t want to go back – without having found a new path. Old friends became strangers; at the same time I wasn’t quite ready for strangers to become friends. My husband was completely tied up in work… It was a lonely, confusing and challenging time.

It pains me to admit it, but I couldn’t wait for Little L to grow up. I found spending every minute of every day with a young baby tiring and tedious. But have felt way too guilty to voice my frustration or even consider handing her into the care of a stranger. Little L was five and a half months old when I left her with her dad for the first time. To have a coffee at Starbucks. On my own. A few minutes of guilty me-time.

I am doing things differently now. Big M is giving his daughter a bottle every night – so I can get some sleep. Also, Petite Pea is spending two mornings a week with a nanny. Time I spent writing my blog for babycentre.co.uk and trying to fit in the changes to my novel as demanded by my agent. It’s what is important to me. And it’s making me a much happier mother.

19 Comments

  1. Just started reading your blog! Big adjustments but you sounds like you found a good way to deal and find some balance 🙂 YAY! Gorgeous little girl too!

  2. Hannah says

    Du bist so eine tolle Mama, schau dir nur Little L an, die ist großartig geraten! 😉
    xoxo

  3. If it’s any consolation, it’s just of much an adjustment becoming a father for the second time. In some ways it’s easier from a practical point of view but it seems like a much harder balancing act with an older child’s needs to consider as well as a baby’s – and also trying to keep your own sense of identity intact! Personally I don’t miss the newborn days, they were rough on us all. Now that our second is 9 months, we’re really enjoying him and what he adds to our lives (mostly).

  4. I’ve been waiting for your next post and happy to see it appear. I’m glad you are making time for yourself this time around, so important! Good on you and in the end you will be a better, more rounded mother for it. Hope the baby blues stops very soon and wishing you lots of energy and sleep!

  5. So pleased you have found a wonderful sense of balance in looking after Petite P, Little L and finishing the edits on your novel.

  6. Kelleyn says

    You don’t have to be a perfect mom and I am glad you have learned that. Who says anyway that being a perfect mom isn’t a mom who realizes that she needs a few minutes to herself, a healthy and happy mother is much better than a grouchy resentful mother.

  7. I had my second baby six months ago and while the same challenges are there I think it is easier second time around. You know what things you need to worry about and what you can be more relaxed about. Also by then you know who you are as a mother and what you need to do or have to make you the best parent you can be.
    Oh and your baby girl is gorgeous.

  8. Good to hear that you are working things out and getting the balance you need. And how gorgeous is Petite Pea?!

  9. Oh gosh, yes, I can identify. I felt that Number 1 needed me, just me, only me, all the time. I would have been a better mother (and happier) if I’d realised that it wasn’t going to ruin him forever if I let someone else take a turn. I did go back to work 3 afternoons a week when he was 6 months old, so I must have worked it out by then.

    I suppose we can only learn these things slowly and by trial and error. It’s a journey, as they say.

    Beautiful baby!!

  10. She is so gorgeous. Sounds like you’ve got the balance just right this time. It does take a while to find it. Love reading your updates.

  11. It definitely takes a while to get used to having 2 – I found the adjustment from 1 to 2 to be much greater than I’d imagined it would be. But, sounds like you have the balance right and you totally nailed it when you said that you know that everything is just a phase so it will finish… eventually – which is both good and bad! big hugs xx

  12. Second time around is funny, you think you know the drill after all you have been there before, but in my case at least, the perspective is all different second time around I was far more go with the flow than trying to neatly order everything.

  13. wowww 5.5 months! g/f, i do not suffer from mom guilt because i left the house alone after like 4 days, haha! had to get out. it is kind of tedious to be here all day and fit everything i want to do around him eating, etc. he’s pretty easy though now and as long as he’s not hungry he’s pretty happy…still overwhelming though. i love how you described the time you went through because i can definitely relate to some of that…having the blues but knowing its a phase, etc.

  14. Lianne Turton says

    Just started to read your blog and everything sounds very familiar, being a mummy is the busiest job in the world but the rewards are priceless 🙂

  15. I have no other words for you lady apart from I think you are ruddy amazing. I am not a mother yet but can only imagine how hard it mustve been to write those words let alone think them. You rock no matter what – Happy mum, happy baby!

    Muchos love pretty one xxx

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