About three months after I handed in my complaint, I received a letter from the UCLH Trust Headquarters, telling me that they had completed the investigation and informing me about their findings. Without further ado, here is what they said:
Those of you who started reading my blog from the very beginning about a year ago might remember the awful birth experience I had at UCLH. To be precise, the majority of the staff was amazing; there was just one person that acted a bit, well, ‘off’.
Little L has been three months today. Striking a balance under the past three months seems to be almost impossible, as life without her is close to unimaginable. Again, I am surprised by how true it is what everybody says: once your baby entered your life, life without her seems like a distant memory. And: it does get easier with time.
We are having a couple of exhausting days. Lots of screaming – or should I say shouting? barking? – as soon as I try to put little L down for only a second. The only thing that seems to sooth her is my nipple in her mouth, her little body clutched closely to my chest. We went from feeding every three to four hours to nonstop feeding. And as quickly as my sleep deprivation increases, my sanity goes out of the window with every new feed. Only a few weeks into little L’s life and I already feel like a failure. Why can’t I give her what she needs?
In my attempt to go over 42 weeks (despite UCLH hospital protocols and the likes), we went to have a check and the 3rd sweep at the post dates clinic on Monday, 6th. This is when they found out that the amniotic fluid had diminished. The consultant admitted that one of the sweeps could have caused a little whole and the leakage. Well, thanks for that! After a whole day of sitting around and waiting for scan appointments etc., I had to stay and finally agreed to be induced. The cost of a natural water birth seemed to be too high when paid for with a health threat for our unborn daughter.
To my own surprise, I slept like a baby the night before our dreaded Post Date Clinic appointment. Apparently Big M soaked up all my frustration and my anxieties, as he was rolling from one side to the other and muttering in his sleep. Honestly, I think I would have gone mad by now, if he wasn’t at my side.
Welcome to week #42. My pregnancy will be officially considered post term as of tomorrow, which is why I am booked in for the ‘Post Dates Clinic’. And I am getting very tense about it. Only reading about the tests they usually run makes me feel sick and scared stiff. To add insult to injury, the online pregnancy calendar I have been following sends me congratulations on my newborn baby.
What is it with the NHS and midwife shortage in this country? How come they abandon you when you could need a little advice and hold you in their tight grip when you just want some peace and quiet?