Please don’t f*** up my Karma

A while ago, A Modern Mother wrote a post aimed at PR companies about how to approach bloggers when trying to engage them for reviews and the likes. Apparently, the appeal was fruitful; at least I haven’t heard of any more crass incidences.

But when it comes to taking communication between PRs and bloggers to the next level, there is still a lot to learn, it seems. Recently, I recognised an increasing number of missing email- and even blog-etiquette.

Take the publisher of the youth magazine, for example, who approached me, asking if I would like to contribute to the re-launch of their site. To be honest, I was extremely flattered. I used to work as an online editor for a youth magazine, thus I think I do have some relevant experience. As I received their reply (‘great, yadi yadi yada’), I wasn’t even completely put off by the fact that there wasn’t going to be any money in it.

I answered that this would be ok to begin with, but asked if they could contribute to the cost of a babysitter. I never heard from them again.

Another example: my NCT class. Recently, I was looking for a babysitter. After going through the nightmare of putting an ad on gumtree, working through a pile of applications and interviewing about 20 girls, I thought I’d pass on some great babysitters, as I was looking for just one. Plus, I suggested a date for us to meet again. Except of one woman, nobody got back to me.

I know I should let it go, don’t let it bother me and be all Zen about it. Unfortunately, it upsets me and I tend to take it personally. It creates very bad thoughts that are bad for my Karma.

Is not getting back to each other en vogue? Is this how far the recession has come? Are we saving on replies?

I like to think of myself as someone who can deal with a fair amount of constructive critique. I’d even prefer you to say to my face that you think I am a boring old twat and that you just don’t want to play with me. I can live with that.

But ignoring emails, comments or questions, especially while answering those of everybody else is not only extremely unprofessional, but also very bad style – a grown-up version of Mean Girls.

They say ‘What goes around comes around’. Or to say it with the words of Liberty London Girl: Karma is a bitch.


  1. I’ll play with you Met Mum!!! I’m so jealous about the caribbean btw…Little L. will be so cute with her little sun hat and mini sandals!!! And the smell of the banana boat lotion! Oh gooood, need some sun! When are you going? x LZ

  2. people suck. that’s the truth of it. we seem to live more and more in a world where people are only interested in what you can do for them right now at this moment and then they dump you and youre resigned to the backburner until a time comes when you might be useful again. Heaven forbid that you might expect anything, even if that is just a common curtesy, in return. especially not if it means they have to make an ounce of an effort. sorry, seem to have gone off on a rant in your comments. oops.

  3. Rude people! And with you they don’t know what they’re missing! Late replies I can handle as I know everyone can be very busy but no reply… just ignorant! Meant to ask you… will you be at the BMB meet up on Sunday? x

  4. I think you should always get back to someone even if it is just to say sorry you are busy and can’t get back to them.

    That said, I get so many pitches I can’t possibly get back to everyone, even to say that I can’tget back to them. It would eat up all my precious child-free time, of which I have little.

    Nice post!

  5. Most of my NCT girlies are lovely, I’m lucky that I catch up with a couple on the train.

    I set up Third Thursdays where who ever is free comes to me for the evening.

    But one has only come once, said she feels uncomfy at my home and berrated me for not being caring enough in a year when I have had depression so badly I didn’t even answer the phone to my Mum.

    You are lovely, you can join my gang anytime.

    Some people are just ignorant

  6. Ouch i’m ashamed to admit it but i’m terrible at replying, i think the amount of awards i have stashed away and am yet to say thank you for are testiment to that! I do always reply eventually though, admittedly very late…..oh no i’m a “mean girl” Please god noooo. Your right though and consider me well and truly told x

  7. @LZ: Yay, I want to play with you, too! We are going in February. Mhmm, baby Banana Boat, this sounds so yummy. It’s going to be absolutely fab!

    @Heather: No worries, make yourself at home and rant on 🙂

    @RML: It’s funny when people bombard you with questions, and as soon as you get back to them they go silent.

    @ThatGirl39: Awww! Thanks!! Unfortunately I cannot come as I am going to be in Switzerland until Monday. I would have loved to meet you!

    @A Modern Mother: I hear you with being very busy and stuff. I think it’s different when you are in the middle of negotiations and go silent all of a sudden.

  8. @Wife of Bold: Erm. I think I am the same with awards. I keep on thinking ‘I’ll do it in a second’ and then completely forget about it…

  9. I think people are just rude now days. The internet doesn’t help either and the more informal nature of email is a big contributory factor too.

  10. @Alex: It’s funny how people seem to think with the Internet and all, the world would be so big and you wouldn’t meet again anyway. But the world is still the same small place and you always meet twice, I think.

  11. Bloody NCT, p*ssed off with my lot too. The other week was at the zoo when who should I bump into but my entire group who hadn’t bothered to ask me.
    I think people are increasingly rude, probably the fault of celebrity somehow… 😉

  12. @Zooarcaheologist: That’s SO rude. Maybe my group are doing the same and now they are all sitting in the cafe I recommended, sipping lattes and eating cake. Boo-hoo, nobody likes me… 😉

  13. I agree! It’s just Rude to stop corresponding mid-negotiation. I think it’s fair enough to delete spam-type PR emails and ignore them altogether (as I was saying in a recent post about PR etiquette too!) but it is preferable to give some response, even if it’s a quick ‘no’. I hate it when I’m left ‘dangling’ in mid-discussion.

  14. My Grandmother always said manners cost nothing.

    Sometimes they can get you everything.

    One of the things I love about the blogging world is how kind people are. It’s great companies want to join in but they should try and follow the rules a little bit.

    PS Holiday sounds very exciting!

  15. I can’t stand it when people don’t get back to me. Unless it is a very good friend, in which case I might make an exception, it’s usually just a sign to me that they are thoughtless and not really worth bothering with. I’ve lost touch with a number of people because they can’t be arsed to make the effort; life’s too short to be the one doing all the running all the time.

  16. Oh, and another thing. Many people will claim they are ‘just too busy’ once they have had a baby to get in touch. Hence, probably, your NCY group. This is rubbish. You can always make time for friends, if you really want to.

  17. I agree it is very rude not to reply to a personel email or message. PR companies are a law unto themselves but i have even heard of people getting no reply from job applications etc what is the world coming too when a company can’t even send you a letter saying thanks but no thanks.

    I only slack in replying to comments when i’m a bit under the weather or swamped with work etc.But i tend to leave a thank you comment to all that have commented so at least they know i’ve read them and are grateful.

    I agree with nappyvallygirl, i have lost a few friends who couldn’t be arsed getting in touch and expected me to do all the leg work with 4 children and a job and they’re single living at home still and have no kids. Even my 2bridsemaids don’t even keep in touch with me and i have refused to keep chasing them when i get no responce.

    sorry for the rant but it hurts to be ignored 🙁 xxxxx

  18. oh no i think my comment disapeared grrrr.

    Anyhoo i think it is very rude to not answer personal emails or messages.

    I have also lost friends from them not being arsed to keep in touch with me and they are still living at home with no kids etc

    It hurts to be ignored 🙁 xx

  19. @Rachel: It always makes me wonder if I did something profoundly wrong. I hate this feeling!

    @Rose: Absolutely. Blooging is a nice little island away from the rudeness of the real world.

    @Nappyvalleygirl: The thing with the NCT group is that I know that a lot of them are sitting at home, frustrated and lonely. It just doesn’t make sense.

    @Mwa: Naughty girl, naughty! 🙂

    @Amy: Just sit and wait. One day they’ll have kids, too, and then they’ll understand and crave for your company.

  20. Goodness, you got loads of comments on this post, it must tick a box for most of us.
    I also do take things like that very personally (unfortunately). Usually with emails I wait for 5 days for a reply, if no answer, then I email again and ask if everything is OK. I know people are busy but ignoring is just plain rude.
    Are you in the Alps or Caribbean? Or both? Enjoy.

  21. I’ve had similar experiences to this. I’ve been contacted and when I’ve replied with a request for further information there has been no response as it they are too lazy, they can’t be bothered to make the effort or they have realised there is nothing in it for them afterall. I may not be a businesswoman, I’m just a blogger but my time is valuable too, and we should all treat each other with some degree of respect.
    Rant over!

  22. @Rosie: I really hate when this happens. I wish I would find a way not to take it so personally.

  23. It is so rude when people do that sort of thing. The NCT bit really got me, when Ciaran was a couple of months old I organised a meet up on Baby Centre, people said they were coming, it was a lovely sunny day and noone turned up! I cried all the way home (I think I was a little hormonal still) and although I knew I shouldn’t take it personally I couldn’t help myself.

  24. I’m SO with you Met-Mum. I am eternally dumbfounded by godchildren who neglect to acknowledge thoughtful (& expensive) presents but to be honest, their parents are just as bad so what can on expect. I’m not asking for hand-written missives on linen paper (although that would be nice…!). A phone call, or even a text, would do. Think manners are waaayy out of fashion.

  25. Oh brother, I’ve been ignored too. Sooo annoying. The trouble is they treat bloggers as they treat traditional media and (I was ignored when I was a journo too!)

  26. Do not take it to heart I say.

    In fact, be glad that there are people like that out there, because it makes yours, mine and every other efficient persons job to get ahead of the pack that much easier!

    It never ceases to amaze and astonish me that people do not realise that simple etiquette can have has much positive impact on your business as a big fat advertising budget.

    Just keeping being you!

  27. first of all, i really admire your courage to put this out there and talk about it, which i think is the best way to get rid of all those bad karmas 🙂 – so power to you!!!

    as for the matter you discussed, i could really understand, and so much so, it is beyond the blogging world into real life. from my experiences, the best way to deal with those emotions of feeling hurt and disappointed, is to chanel the energe into a deep discussions of any sort! i find the more we talk about it and try to understand it, the less it hurts.

    not to be negative, i found many people are selfish in nature with limited or none sense of normal etiquette in dealing with others. though it is tough to keep Zen and balance all the time, it is definitely worthy the try 😀 ….

    stay strong …. you are wonderful person, i can tell!!! and i am looking forward to getting to know you better 🙂


  28. Oh I agree so much. At the moment I have one of these situations – I sent a couple of messages to someone and when I didn’t get a reply I sent a direct email to them asking specific questions and I have still not had a reply. It bugs me almost every day but I cannot decide what to do about it now!

    I always reply to an email that is addressed directly to me, even if it is just to say thanks but no thanks.

  29. @Surprise Mum: your lovely comment ended in spam!! Count me in as part of the gang! 🙂

    @Ellen: Funny how people share this NCT bit. Maybe we would have all been better off in one group?

    @Island Mum: Sometimes I feel sorry for my little girl, who is going to be brought up with strict manners. She is going to have to face quite a bit of frustration, I am afraid.

    @Tara: Aren’t they afraid of the negative reaction the could cause? I just don’t get it.

    @Nicky: I do so less and less. It helps hearing that others are being treated the same way – definitely makes it less personal.

    @UnoCosa: Thank you for your lovely comment! I promise to keep up the Zen way!

    @Kelly: I can only recommend what others told me: keep calm about it and don’t take it to heart. Though I don’t practice what I preach…

  30. Oh I am so with you. There’s absolutely no excuse for not getting back to people. It’s bad manners, and can also cause a whole heap of unnecessary hurt.

    Try not to take it to heart – easier said than done, I know!

  31. Oh no, I am sometimes one of the people who doesn’t reply. It’s not always intentional, I sometimes just forget. I read a text and think, yep I will reply to that later and then 4 days later I may remember I haven’t. Ditto emails. I am not being mean, just busy and forgetful. Whereas if someone phones me, they will get an immediate response. I find emails and texts so impersonal sometimes. As for NCT group, don’t worry about it too much. As long as you still have your oldest truest friends. I met some lovely people in my NCT but then people start going back to work, picking up older children from school, putting their children in tumble tots etc and life gets busy. Don’t take it too personally. xx

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