Mummy stuff

Love in – hate out

When the school bullies decided to pick on me, I fantasised on how I would not stumble across my own words, how I would be as mean as they were, leaving them behind embarrassed and ashamed, lost for words. If only I were grown-up, so I thought, I would have taught them respect.

Back then my personality resembled a little sponge, soaking up everything that was thrown at it. People talking behind my back used to give me sleepless nights and made me fear what lies they might come up with next.

20 years on, and little has changed when it comes to bullies.

Of course, I am older and have become a more balanced person than I was at the tender age of 13. Also, I am more complete and rest within myself. Especially since having little L, things that used to bother me bounce back from me more easily.

But I am still momentarily taken aback when verbally abused, badmouthed or offended. I am trying hard not to let it get to me, pacing through the park breathing ‘love in – hate out’. I don’t know how much yoga I am supposed to do to keep being zen with all this aggression around me.

Let’s not get into detail here. It doesn’t matter who they are or where they live. And they don’t deserve the space they would take up here. But it amazes me that two women can ruin an experience for a group of over 30. Just like a drop of oil can contaminate one million drops of ground water.

What comforts me is faith in the fairness of the universe and in ‘what goes around comes around’. The people in question aren’t happy with their lives now, and there is little chance they are going to be happy anytime at all.


  1. It NEVER fails to amaze me how playground tactics continue into adulthood, and how people like to gang up, bitch, make nasty, cause pain, practise one-upmanship, blah blah, woof woof, bleat, moo, squeak, honk!
    But you’re right.
    They are not happy. Those who like to cause ripples, cause anxiety and pain are not at ease and that is THEIR STUFF. Not yours.
    Blow it off your soul and breathe the fresh air of your clean conscience.
    Poor things have to LIVE with those bitches 24/7
    Hugs xo

  2. Ah, that would be the playground gestapo? I know the troubles you talk of and cannot believe how some women conduct themselves. I have a mother causing issues for me at school and it is hard. All those early teenage worries about people talking behind your back resurface. I’m 35 not 13 but still I feel right back there.

    Hope it all settles soon.

    MD xx

  3. It often helps to remember that these people who do this are the ones who are in need of help, they learn from experiance, it doesnt excuse them, but it does keep some perpsective, They are sad, frightened people, who do not have the skills to deal with others, so pick on the ones they would most like to be

  4. That’s what I try to tell myself, and my daughter too, when faced with somebody who treats others badly. It stems from THEIR problem, not ours. They are unhappy in their own life and behaving in a way that somehow makes them feel better…
    (and I think I encountered every one of those people today)
    Sorry that you have them too!
    You wrote a very good post!

  5. I really believe in karma in these things. They can’t be happy with their lives, like you say. I like your metaphor of the oil and water. Great post. Don’t let the suckers get you down!

  6. I was completely floored when my daughter was born and the coffee groups, then school groups took me right back to the hideousness of school bullies. My daughter is almost 14 now and having to deal with some mothers still brings out a stomach ache reminiscent of those days.
    Take a deep breath and KNOW that you’re better than all that.

  7. Spitefulness of any kind is just horrible – and yes, there are plenty of adults who haven’t grown out of it. I still feel about 10 years old when confronted by a bullying type personality. I just try to avoid them, usually – or, like you, think about how sad their lives must be.

  8. In Vancouver today (I’m not sure where else, but all through the province) it is Anti-Bully Day. I thought this post was very fitting. Good luck with facing them, or just ignoring them and hopefully they will be off on their way.

  9. I know it doesn’t help the way we feel but I actually feel sorry for adult bullies, think of how miserable their lives must be to live like that, inflicting anger and hurt to everyone around them. It must be hell living inside a mind like that.
    That said, hurt is hurt no matter how old and wise we get. We are all human (or so I am told) and our hearts will always ache when we feel injustice inflicted upon us or others. Try to not let it get the better of you for too long, you are a sweet dear lady that doesn’t deserve to be made to feel that way.

  10. Oh I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been having difficulties. I was lucky in that I was not bullied at school but I was once bullied at work by a naty boss, so I’ve experienced it more in my adult life. It’s shocking that it still goes on. Grown-ups should know better. I love the idea of ‘Love in – Hate out’ I’m going to try that. x

  11. worryingly I think this sort of thing can get worse when older not better- at least children just come out with things- adults make thinly veiled comments- easy to say but it is always true that horrible people are being horrible because of their own problem and I like to believe it will bite them on the nose one day- it might not be one day soon but they’ll get there

  12. I’m sorry to hear something horrid has happened – I hope you’re ok

    There’s nothing more horrid than a bunch of nasty women being malicious

  13. Oh Gosh- you alright? There is nothing worse than adult women in groups, all sorts of nastiness occurs. It never fails to amaze me. Dont keep running over it again and again, try to put it behind you and feel sorry for them.
    Ive been busy lately (mainly with illness) but lets get together in the next few weeks, I fancy having a mooch along U. Street!

  14. Some people never evolve, do they? And, you’re exactly right – they are miserable people who want to bring others down to their level. Chin held high and keep carrying on!

  15. I used to think it wouldn’t exist when I grew up as well. I feel slightly stronger when faced with it now, though. You seem to be as well, realising they are miserable sods, the lot of them.

    Don’t let them get to you too much. Alternatively, just get nasty back. 😉

  16. You just have to try and feel sorry for them, and to spend time with people who aren’t like that. People who are happy in themselves and confident in themselves don’t do playground behaviour. So yes, you’re right, they’re not happy people.

  17. so sorry you are having to deal with idiots like them. I too was bullied at school and most recently had trouble with 2women who work with me. Giggling and talking about me, slagging me off etc THEY ARE 40+ YEARS OLD!!! It is so sad i am nearly half their age chin up hun, take the high road and ignore them because they don’t sound like they should even take up a fraction of your time thinking about them xxxxx

  18. It amazes me that some people still act like that.
    But I do believe in Karma, if you are that poisonous to those around you it surely must have an effect on your own state of mind?
    you sound fab by the way and if I were you I’d do what my mum always says “don’t let the buggers get you down kid” ;D xxx

  19. I remember when I started my first proper full time job. Everyone around me was at least 10 years older and I thought, finally, the chance to work with some people where things wouldn’t be so catty but boy was I wrong. That behaviour unfortunately doesn’t go away but we can change how we now deal with it.

  20. Metromum,
    There is a nomination for you in my blog, because of course I really like your blog.
    I hope you enjoy it.
    Carol xx

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