Mummy stuff

Motherhood 2.0

Seven weeks into life as a mother of two, and I am back on my feet. Wobbly feet, maybe, but still.

Although physically more challenging (yes, I can feel the additional three and a half years very much), on the whole, I find being a new mum the second time around much easier.

Sleep deprivation is worse (Petite Pea doesn’t think much of sleeping in the night), I have another child to look after, and the baby blues (including increased mother’s guilt) has been quite persistent, but still, I am happy in an oddly contradicting way. Maybe because I know that all this is just a phase. A phase my gorgeous little baby girl will grow out of much quicker than I’d prefer.

When Little L was born, I was so eager to be the perfect mother that for a while, I forgot what was important to me. To be honest, having a baby and becoming a mother turned my life completely upside down, and I am not even sure I knew anymore what it was that was important to me. My entire value system shifted. I had a career break and knew I didn’t want to go back – without having found a new path. Old friends became strangers; at the same time I wasn’t quite ready for strangers to become friends. My husband was completely tied up in work… It was a lonely, confusing and challenging time.

It pains me to admit it, but I couldn’t wait for Little L to grow up. I found spending every minute of every day with a young baby tiring and tedious. But have felt way too guilty to voice my frustration or even consider handing her into the care of a stranger. Little L was five and a half months old when I left her with her dad for the first time. To have a coffee at Starbucks. On my own. A few minutes of guilty me-time.

I am doing things differently now. Big M is giving his daughter a bottle every night – so I can get some sleep. Also, Petite Pea is spending two mornings a week with a nanny. Time I spent writing my blog for and trying to fit in the changes to my novel as demanded by my agent. It’s what is important to me. And it’s making me a much happier mother.


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